I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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