ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
