whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
