my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
