..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
