She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
