From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
