He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
wow bdsm is so cute
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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