Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
