He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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