he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
