Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We got so high we made milksteak
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
