No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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