I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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