there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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