Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
be right there i have to get my cape
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
