If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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