im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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