Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
