so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
