Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
