The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
