its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
