somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
