Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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