..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
