I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do vagina's smell?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
