ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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