Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
