sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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