I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
