Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
