I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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