Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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