I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
