I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
