Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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