We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize