I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
