You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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