Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
