there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize