i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
