I want to have your abortion
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My dad is sitting where you rode me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
