Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
