i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize