I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My balls are so social today.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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