I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish I only lived at night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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