i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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