it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
