I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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