I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
