Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
