ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
then he tried to convert me to islam
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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