i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize