I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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