What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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