I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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