drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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