you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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