It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
