Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
