So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
