I want to stick my p in your. b.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
