y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
