never play flip cup with pint glasses
please come you make the beer taste better
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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