True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
