maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish you could order shots online.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
