She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
