My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
