My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
