She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
