Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
